We’re Having a 100 Year Birthday Party for My Grandpa’s Ghost in Holland
11 AM: Meet at the Boy Scout building in deep Catholic potato farm country. Cousin Frank is head of the Boy Scouts and has gotten us the exclusive hookup. BYO snacks: suggestions include “pastry or cake or a sausage sandwich.” One of these is not like the.. oh, forget about it.
1:30 PM: Tour of the tractor museum (“het trekkermuseum”) in Nisse. This will probably be the only museum you visit on your Summer Euro Trip, because you are a bad person.
3:00 PM: Wander the town of Nisse with your 38 other cousins, aunts, and uncles. “Nisse is the smallest town in the municipality,” the email states. Count me IN.
4:00 PM: Back to the Boy Scout building for beer and a family trivia game, entirely in Dutch. This is no time to be a sore loser so put that competitive streak in the roomy chest pocket of your overalls.
6:00 PM: BYO dinner: suggestions include “salad, quiche, wraps, soup, pancakes.”
Miss Marblemouth assures herself
It’s never too late to learn that zenith and nadir are opposites, not synonyms! Not even now!
“She Certainly Did Not Go Gently Into That Good Night”
A series of vignettes about my responses to rejection
My Favorite Articles Of Clothing Ladies Wear When It Gets Warm Out
1. Open-toed sandwiches
2. Plunging neck vines
3. Tube taupes
4. A single contact lens
5. Large cowhide and denim work gloves
6. Strappy eels
7. Rare, long-since out of production skirt that I saw once in what I can’t be certain wasn’t a dream
8. Bermuda onesies
9. Thin sheens of skim milk
- “I thought your joke about the project being emotionally unfulfilling was really funny, but I have to caution you as a ’development point’ and as your manager that you shouldn’t make that joke around anyone else. Some people don’t leave any Kool-Aid in the bottom of the cup.”
- “Jean-Claude’s staying in Brazil… it’s got something to do with the legal tenets of his divorce from shirts.”
- “That free Crumbs cupcake coupon sped around the office faster than meningitis in a college dorm room.”